HOW TO RECOGNISE SHADOW

Slips of the tongue and of behaviour

How do we recognise our Shadow?  The Shadow personality, hidden in our unconscious, is not as readily visible as our shadow cast by the sun.  Meeting our Shadow requires our attentiveness.  It is so easy to miss it and yet we can sometimes “catch” it in slips of the tongue.

 I am sure that like myself, you have asked yourself in amazement or terror, – How could I have said this?  I don’t know what came over me.”  “How could I have done that?”  When we say, “I don’t know what came over me…” we can be pretty sure that Shadow is at work.

 Or a friend might act in a seemingly bizarre manner.  You say to yourself, “I wonder what got into her!  This is completely out of character!” - Shadow again.  What seems opposite to the customary Persona is invariably Shadow.  If we are aware, we see it.  If we are not aware, it remains outside our consciousness.  Sometimes we can mirror it to each other but we can do this only if we are long term and trustworthy friends.  Otherwise self protective denial rushes in.

 Projection

Bur perhaps the way that the Shadow most reveals itself is through projection.  We see the Shadow mostly indirectly, in the distasteful traits and actions of other people out there where it is safe to observe them.  The things that disturb us most in others are the things we dislike most in ourselves and we deny their very existence.  They remain unrecognised and un-owned.  “When we react intensely to a quality in an individual or group – such as laziness or stupidity, sensuality or spirituality – and our reaction overtakes us with great loathing or admiration, this may be our shadow showing.” [1]

 What we deny in ourselves, we project on to the other person in an unconscious effort to banish it from ourselves.  To the extent that we have to be right and good, he, she, or they, become the carriers of all the negatives and all the evil which we fail to acknowledge within ourselves.

 I remember being part of an organisation many years ago when one of those in a leadership role would often say that he was a simple man, uninterested in power; he wanted only to serve.  Again and again in different ways and on different occasions he would voice this theme.  It sounded good but then… again and again he would proclaim that those working with him were out for power.  This, that and the other person, wanted power.  They were fighting for power, or so he lamented.  What remained unsaid but was clear to all, was his fear that others would take his power from him; that he would have no power.  He was blind to, what was obvious to everyone else, his own hunger for power, his need to be considered important; his desire to be in charge, to be adulated, to be served.  This is the irony with projection - everyone sees it - except oneself!

 It is important to note that we project on those who have a hook for our projection.  There will be at least some element of the projection in the other person.  If I project my desire for power on you and it sticks, it is pretty certain that you have some desire for power, however little this might be.

 Projection is complex and it is helpful to understand its many faces.  According to Ken Wilber the contemporary philosopher/psychologist, when we project a particular emotion, we not only project it outside ourselves we also flip the direction of that emotion.

 For example, in the case of the man who wanted power, to admit to himself that he wants power is unacceptable to him in view of the Persona he has developed over time and presents to others.  Remember his view of himself is that he is a simple man who wants only to serve.  So he denies even to himself that he wants power, dissociates from it, represses it and projects it on to others.  “Those who are working with me, they are the ones who want power.”  This is straight projection but this is not all.  He then flips the direction of the projection from them to himself and imagines that not only do they want power but more, they want to take his power from him!

 The projection will continue as will the flip in direction unless and until he can claim his projection and own that he indeed is the one who wants power. It isn’t a case of anyone wanting to take power from him; it is he who wants power.  And moreover he wants to take power from others!

 But disowned feelings do not cease to exist, they appear as painful and neurotic symptoms often played out in ailments of one kind or another.  My hatred, my anger, my envy, my greed, denied and disowned may appear in physical ills - migraine headaches, stomach troubles, back aches or else in unreasonable prejudices and phobias. [2]